FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
The questions people ask before they call.
Starting & Practical Questions
I work with adults, both individually and as couples. I don’t see children or adolescents, and I don’t provide family therapy.
No. You don’t need to figure that out before you call.
We’ll start with a free 20-minute phone consultation. Tell me a little about what’s going on and what you’re looking for, and ask me whatever you want to know. We’ll talk about whether individual therapy, couples therapy, EMDR, an intensive, or something else makes the most sense.
If I think someone else would be a better fit, I’ll tell you. I’d rather figure that out on a 20-minute call than three sessions.
I’ll ask questions about what brought you in and what you’d like to be different, but you don’t need to arrive with clearly defined goals. We can figure those out together.
I usually don’t spend the first session taking a complete history or asking you to walk me through your whole life. We’ll talk about the background that feels relevant to what you’re bringing in, and I’ll begin noticing areas we might want to work on. If something comes up that I think could be important, I’ll ask whether you want to go there. The work is collaborative, you always have a say in what we focus on and when.
It doesn’t have to be. You can come because something hurts. You can also come because you’re tired of repeating something, a decision is keeping you up at night, your relationship doesn’t feel right, or you simply want something in your life to be different.
You don’t need a crisis to have something worth working on.
I’m licensed in California, so you need to be physically in California at the time of our therapy session. If you’re traveling or aren’t sure how that applies to your situation, ask me on the consultation call.
Yes. I see clients by video anywhere in California, Monday through Friday, including early evenings. Sessions are on a secure, HIPAA-compliant platform. Many of my clients do a mix of in-person and video depending on their schedule or travel.
I’m a private-pay, out-of-network practice and don’t bill insurance directly.
If your plan includes out-of-network mental health benefits, I can provide a superbill for you to submit for possible reimbursement.
I’ll review my fees with you before we schedule anything, so you’ll know the cost before making a commitment.
Individual and couple sessions are 60 minutes.
I also offer half-day, full-day, and two-day therapy intensives for people who want more uninterrupted time to work on something.
I see clients in person at my San Mateo office on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. I also provide telehealth throughout California Monday through Friday, including early evenings.
Many clients use a mix of in-person and video sessions depending on their schedule.
Therapy can help you understand yourself more deeply, change patterns that keep repeating, work through difficult experiences, and address things that are affecting how you feel or function. I provide therapy to clients who are physically in California.
Relationship coaching is a separate, goal-focused service centered on current relationship questions, communication, boundaries, decisions, and patterns. It is not psychotherapy.
If you’re not sure which one fits, you don’t have to figure that out before you call. We can talk about it together.
How I work
I’m active and involved. I’ll ask questions, tell you what I notice, and point out things you may not have considered.
My work draws on psychodynamic therapy, attachment and relationship theory, parts work, and EMDR.
I’m interested in where a pattern came from when that helps us change what’s happening now. But understanding why you do something isn’t enough if you keep doing it. At some point we have to work out what you can do differently.
I’ve been in practice since 1996, working with individuals and couples. I’ve been a Certified EMDR Therapist since 2022.
It depends on what you’re working on, and I’d be careful of anyone who gives you a number before meeting you.
Some people come with something specific and stay for a few months. Others are working on patterns that developed over many years and want more time.
After the first few sessions, I should have a much better sense of what we’re working with and how I’d approach it. And if the work isn’t feeling useful. I want you to tell me.
Instead of meeting for an hour, we set aside a larger block of uninterrupted time to work on something specific.
I offer 4-hour half-day intensives, 8 hour full-day intensives, and two consecutive full days. An intake session comes first so we can decide whether an intensive makes sense for what you want to work on.
It’s a different format that gives us more uninterrupted time. For some kinds of work that’s useful. For others, regular weekly therapy makes more sense.
Tell me what didn’t work. That’s useful information, not a strike against you.
Sometimes the fit was wrong. Sometimes it was the right therapist at the wrong time. And sometimes therapy felt like an hour of pleasant conversation each week without much actually changing.
Knowing what didn’t help before gives us a better idea of what needs to be different this time.
Yes. I won’t make decisions for you, but I’m not going to sit quietly and make you wonder what I’m seeing either.
If I notice a pattern, a contradiction, something you may be avoiding, or something that seems important, I’ll tell you what I’m noticing.
That’s common. Many of the people I work with are very self-aware and can explain exactly where a pattern came from.
The problem is that understanding it doesn’t always stop the reaction when it happens. We don’t need to spend months telling you things you already know. We look at what’s still keeping the pattern going and what might actually help it change.
I usually take a full history in one session early in our work together so I have a clear timeline of the important people, experiences, and turning points in your life.
After that, we get to the work. We’ll come back to earlier experiences only when they help us understand a pattern, reaction or a relationship dynamic that is still affecting you now.
The point isn’t to spend session after session in the past. It’s to understand what may still be shaping the present.
EMDR
I also use EMDR with experiences and patterns you understand intellectually but still react to emotionally. That might be a breakup, rejection, betrayal, an old belief about yourself, or a reaction that feels much bigger than the situation in front of you.
I use EMDR with most of my clients, though not every client needs it and we don’t spend every session doing it.
If I think EMDR could be useful for what we’re working on, I’ll explain why and we’ll decide together.
You’re awake and aware throughout EMDR and can pause or stop at any point.
Relationships and Couples
You might be dating, married, going through a breakup, deciding whether to stay, struggling to set boundaries, or trying to understand why you keep ending up in the same pattern. The other person doesn’t need to come to therapy for us to work on your side of it.
You can still come on your own.
We can work on what’s happening in the relationship, what you’re experiencing, what you’re contributing to the pattern, what you’re tolerating, and what you want to do differently.
I will be direct about what I see, though. If one of you is doing something that’s hurting the relationship, we’ll talk about it. If you’re both contributing in different ways, we’ll talk about that too
If there’s violence or ongoing abuse in the relationship, couples therapy isn’t the right first step and can make things less safe. The same is true when untreated addiction is driving what’s happening.
If you’re not sure whether couples therapy is appropriate for your situation, reach out and we can talk about where to start.
Therapy is clinical mental-health treatment and is available to clients located in California. Relationship coaching is a separate, non-therapy service focused more specifically on present-day relationship patterns, communication, dating, boundaries and decisions. Coaching does not include diagnosis, psychotherapy or mental-health treatment.
If you’re unsure which is appropriate, we can talk about it during the consultation.